


Glee: New York State Of Mind

by StruckBy_Lightning



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, College, F/F, F/M, Growing Up, I suck at tagging, M/M, More characters to be added, More tags to be added, Multi, Pairings TBD, University, there will be a lot of gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:14:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27972182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StruckBy_Lightning/pseuds/StruckBy_Lightning
Summary: Canon through mid-S4 and then goes AU.Growing up and discovering your path is hard. Following your dreams is even harder.For Kurt, Santana, Rachel, Finn, Mercedes, Mike, Sebastian, and Elliott, they’ll find that navigating their way through life, love, college, and work will be harder than anything they’ve ever faced.
Relationships: Finn Hudson & Kurt Hummel, Finn Hudson & Santana Lopez, Kurt Hummel & Santana Lopez, Rachel Berry & Finn Hudson, Rachel Berry & Santana Lopez, Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson (past)
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I recently rewatched Glee and have gotten super nostalgic for it and the world they built.  
> This was in my drafts for years and I just never thought to post it. So here we go haha.  
> If you have any pairings you want to see, feel free to suggest them. They may not happen, but I’d like a sense of what my readers like.  
> These first few chapters will mostly be setting up the rest, so I apologize if there isn’t as much drama as you’d like.  
> Still, hope you enjoy!!! :)

** Kurt **

****

This was never how Kurt Hummel saw his life going.

When he was in high school, his dream was always to be on Broadway. He remembered New York and Nationals their junior year, when he and Rachel snuck onto a Broadway stage.

He didn’t plan on _not_ getting into NYADA. He didn’t plan on Finn and Rachel splitting up. He didn’t plan on Santana moving in with them after one semester. And he certainly didn’t plan on he and Blaine breaking up and barely speaking since that day.

Everything that he thought was going to happen, didn’t.

Rachel said there was no shame in trying again next year. But did Kurt really want to go through that again? If Madam Tibadeau didn’t like his performance before, what would really change after a year?

Santana was less than helpful. She too, was struggling with what exactly she wanted to do with her life. After leaving the school she’d gotten a scholarship with, leaving everything behind and moving to New York, she was as lost as Kurt was.

His biggest help, came in the form of his big brother.

Like so many freshly graduated high school students, Finn had absolutely no clue about any interests he had. He hadn’t even tried college yet.

For a while, he just helped Burt around the auto shop and Mr. Shue with the Glee club. But Mr. Shue was back now, and Burt was adamant that Finn was made for so much bigger than working in an auto shop for the rest of his life.

He was right of course, and Kurt had reiterated that to him many times.

_“You should apply to some colleges. Put your foot in the door a little.”_

_Finn sighed on the other line. “I don’t even know what I want, Kurt. Wouldn’t that like, be a total waste of money?”_

_Kurt tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder. “No, that’s the point of college! To find yourself, to discover what you’re passionate about. Do you know how many people go to college and are undecided for at least a year? A lot, Finn.”_

_“I don’t know, man. I just don’t think I’m school material, you know? I barely passed all my classes in high school.”_

_The door to the loft slid open and Rachel’s heels could be heard against the floor, clacking loudly. “That’s the beauty of college, Finn. Once you find what you’re passionate about, those are the kinds of classes you take.”_

_There was a brief pause while Finn seemingly thought about his brothers’ words. “Okay. Maybe I’ll start looking at colleges. But only if you promise to do the same.”_

_“What?” Kurt asked, a little louder than he intended._

_Since when were they talking about him?_

_“C’mon. I’ve been listening to the way you’ve been talking lately. You sound defeated. And that’s not the Kurt Hummel I know. Yeah, you were rejected from your first choice college. But maybe you should take your own advice and apply somewhere. Maybe they have a music program, maybe they don’t. Either way, you should find what makes you happy. After everything you’ve been through, you deserve it more than anyone I know.”_

_“I love you, Finn. And I miss you.” Kurt pulled his knees up to his chest, leaning back against the headboard. “I miss dad. And Carole. And the Glee club. I miss when things were easier.”_

_“Me too, little bro. Me too.”_

The conversation didn’t get much lighter after that and it took him a few days to really digest Finn’s words.

But he was right. Kurt had never felt so defeated before and wallowing in his defeat had never been something he’d done for so long before.

So he and Finn were each others’ monitors the next couple of weeks. Every time they called, they’d check to see where the other had applied.

It wasn’t until the third week of June that Kurt thought of an idea.

_“Why don’t you apply to some colleges out here?” Kurt asked him one night as he was making dinner._

_Rachel was at NYADA rehearing a number with some classmates and Santana was stuck at work with a double shift tonight._

_He had to admit, things were a little lonely around here._

_“What? Why would I… What about…”_

_Kurt winced, knowing he was concerned about Rachel._

_He put the knife down and put the lettuce back in the fridge. The phone was laying on the counter on speakerphone and he could practically hear Finn’s heavy breathing._

_“She doesn’t own the city, Finn. Besides, it’s been almost a year at this point. Sure it may be awkward for a bit, but you two will get over it.”_

_Finn hesitated. “Kurt, I don’t know…”_

_“Just try? C’mon, I’d love to have you out here with me. I’ve never felt more close to you, Finn. Imagine it: the Hudson-Hummel brothers taking on New York by storm.” He gestured with his hands like it was a scathing headline even though Finn couldn’t see him._

_Finn laughed. “It would be kind of nice to have someone to support me. Don’t get me wrong, Mom, Burt, and Mr. Shue have been great, it’s just- I don’t know. I get the feeling they’re getting kinda frustrated and I hate when they look at me with so much pity. That was… The plan after all.”_

_Kurt was taken back to over a year ago when he, Finn, and Rachel had made a pact to go to New York together. Finn and Rachel splitting up had blown that plan to pieces though._

_“Exactly!” He pushed through the unspoken words and awkwardness of what once was. “I’m sure we could fit you in somewhere around here.”_

_“Oh no.” Finn said quickly. “I’d definitely want to live on campus. Whatever school it is. It would just be way too weird with Rachel there. And that’s her home, I don’t want to make things awkward for her.”_

_Kurt nodded, knowing he was right. “Yeah, probably. But still, you could come over for dinner, we could keep better track of each others’ progress. What do you say?”_

_“Lemme talk to mom and Burt first. I want to see what their opinion is. Though I have a feeling they’re gonna want me out.” He chuckled self-deprecatingly._

_“You know they just want you to be happy. And clearly you’re not, wasting away at the shop and staying home most nights. Let me know what they say, yeah?”_

_Finn blew out a loud breath, nodding. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll call you later, man.”_

_“Bye Finn.”_

Burt and Carole, of course, had been extremely supportive of the idea and Burt offered to give him a small raise his last month to help him pay for a ticket to New York.

Finn hadn’t originally planned to just move to New York without being accepted into a college yet, but Carole told him the best way to pick a college was to actually see it for himself.

Predictably, Rachel had been shocked and nervous to hear that Finn was coming to New York, maybe permanently.

Santana was indifferent, making a snide comment about how she’d better not find all the Krispy Kreme’s disappearing now that Finn was to be here. But he could see the smile on her face when they met Finn at the airport.

Rachel didn’t want to come, understandably. She needed a little bit of time to adjust to the idea of her ex-boyfriend being around now.

When Kurt spotted his brother, he squealed and tackle-hugged him. Finn was laughing as he hugged him back, patting his shoulder when they pulled away.

Kurt felt relief at having Finn here, finally. They hadn’t been super close in high school, like a lot of brothers who were about the same age.

The past year had been really hard for them both and having each other to rely on, someone who truly understood the other had strengthened their bond in unimaginable ways.

It was also just another reminder of home, of his old life. And even though he knew he could never go back to that life, it was nice to have a piece of it again.

Santana punched him in the arm and slung his duffle bag around her shoulder. “Welcome back to New York, gigantor.”

Finn forced her into a hug, an arm around her shoulder. “Thanks, San.”

She grumbled as he pulled away.

“So,” Kurt pulled out his phone. “I was thinking that for your first night back in the New York, we should all go out. You choose the venue, of course.”

Finn grinned, towering over them both as they got to baggage claim and Finn heaved his suitcase up and onto the ground. “Sounds good, man.”

No one mentioned Rachel the entire taxi ride to the loft. It was an unspoken agreement not to mention her yet.

When they got home and Kurt started showing him around the loft and where he’d be sleeping (Santana’s bed, she wasn’t happy), there was no way to not mention her.

“So…” Kurt started, “I told Rachel I’d text her the address of where we’re eating tonight. Is that okay?” He asked Finn cautiously as they sat at the kitchen counter, finalizing their plans for the night.

Finn sighed, rubbing his face. “Yeah. I’m gonna have to get used to being around her now. And I don’t want to leave her out of things and make you guys choose. I’ll be okay.”

Kurt pat Finn on the back as he passed by him on the way to his bedroom. “I’m going to start getting ready. Five o’clock, okay?”

Finn nodded, forcing a smile on his face. “Perfect. I’ll just wait out here for you guys.”

“Feel free to watch tv or set up your Xbox-thingy. Mi casa es su casa.” Kurt smiled as he disappeared behind the curtain and headed to the bathroom to start his regimen.

-

Dinner went well, all things considered. Finn and Rachel had been pretty civil and once the two had some alcohol in them, they were able to talk without much awkwardness at all.

Kurt spent most of the night talking to his brother, feeling lighter than he had in months.

In July, three weeks after Finn arrived in New York, he got the letter.

He’d been accepted into Hunter College in Manhattan. They’d loved his essay about coming from a small town with a single mother and trying to make something of himself, even after all the odds were stacked against him.

Kurt beamed with pride when Finn quite literally picked him up in a hug and thanked him profusely for helping him with his essay.

There was a light in his eyes that he hadn’t seen since senior year and it filled him with a renewed sense of hope.

Finn seemed to change then. He didn’t start school until September, but now he wanted to get a job somewhere in the city to help pay for his tuition and any other necessities.

As proud as he was, he couldn’t help but he a little envious. He hadn’t had much luck in finding anywhere with music programs even remotely as sophisticated as NYADA.

He didn’t want to be judgmental about other music programs, but he didn’t want to lower his standards too much.

Still. It was a little disheartening to not have much luck yet.

Later that week, he and Finn were eating Chinese food at the kitchen counter when Finn cleared his throat.

“Hey Kurt?” He sounded a little nervous.

Kurt swallowed a piece of broccoli, putting his chopsticks down. “Yeah?”

“I have a confession. And I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

Oh uh. That didn’t sound good.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “Guess that depends on what it is.”

Finn pushed his chicken and rice aside and pulled something out from under his butt.

It was a crisp, white envelope with a stamp that Kurt didn’t recognize. “What is that?” He furrowed his eyebrows. “Did you get accepted somewhere else?”

Finn shook his head. “No. This isn’t for me. It’s- it’s for you.”

Now Kurt was confused. The only colleges he’d considered applying to, hadn’t received his applications yet. “Okay. Why were you hiding it?”

Finn took a deep breath. “Because I applied for you. Months ago. And I didn’t know how you’d react.”

Kurt felt the air leave his lungs. “Where did you apply? H-how did you apply for me?”

“Well, you remember when we exchanged applications to look each others’ over?” Kurt nodded, “ Well, I saved yours to my computer. So I swear, nothing on that application was from me. It was all your work. I just sent it in.”

“Why did you do it in secret?” Kurt’s mind was buzzing with possibilities as to why his brother did this.

Finn looked at the letter nervously. “Because it isn’t for any kind of music program. And I didn’t know if you’d be okay with that.”

Kurt blinked. “Okay. What school is it?”

Finn passed him the letter across the counter, nervousness written all over his face.

His fingers were practically shaking as he pulled the letter closer to him and looked at the letter.

“Fashion?” He breathed, looking at the _Fashion Institute of Technology_ label in the top right corner of the envelope.

Finn nodded. “I just wanted to give you the option. I know music and Broadway have been your dreams for as long as I’ve known you. But… it never hurts to explore other passions right? You’ve always been so good at that stuff. I don’t know if you ever thought about fashion as a career, but I think you could be really amazing.”

Truthfully, he had thought about fashion a couple times. But the thought of giving up his Broadway dreams always made him so sad that he always reasoned away pursuing anything else. Music had been all he’d ever truly known, it was his safe space.

“Finn… I don’t know what to say. I don’t- I don’t know.” He was so conflicted.

On the one hand, the idea of not studying music was so foreign to him.

But on the other hand, he’d been trying to find someplace that made him feel as excited about a music career as NYADA and had failed.

Nowhere felt good enough and maybe that was a sign. Maybe a year of trying to force something that wasn’t meant to be was silly.

Finn watched his internal struggle for a moment before standing up and making his way to Kurt’s side of the counter.

He laid a hand on Kurt’s back supportively. “You can say yes or no. Just check it. Maybe you’ll know how you truly feel when you see the answer.”

He looked up at Finn and saw nothing but caring in his brothers’ eyes before nodding and ripping it open.

His shaky hands unfolded the paper and he read through it quickly, butterflies having an all-out-war in his stomach.

It was so quiet in the loft you could hear a pin drop. Just the nervous air around them and Finn’s hitched breathing.

After what felt like half an hour, Finn spoke up quietly. “Well?”

Kurt had been staring at the words at the top of the page for almost an entire minute.

Kurt Hummel:

Congratulations! It is with great pleasure that I offer you admission to The Fashion Institute of Technology for the Fall 2013 semester. 

“I got in.” He said, disbelief and shock in his tone.

“You got in?!” Finn exclaimed, peering over his shoulder.

“I got in!” Kurt answered, louder this time.

The butterflies in his stomach had exploded and he felt a new emotion: elation.

The idea of being accepted into such a prestigious fashion college was, well incredible.

“I knew you would! I’m so proud of you.” Finn laughed, pulling Kurt in for a congratulatory hug.

His hair bounced as Finn shook him, still staring at the letter.

Later that night, he laid in bed and turned on his side to look out the window and he contemplated what had happened.

He wasn’t mad at Finn, at all. His brother made a choice in the hopes that it would help Kurt decide what he wanted to do.

The thought was scary. Going down a path he’d never planned for. In all the scenarios that had ran through his head, going to school for fashion hadn’t really been one of them.

But as he laid there, listening to Finn snore and Santana grumble and no doubt shove Rachel to her side of the bed, he thought about how he felt.

Truly, from the depths of his being, how he felt about it.

It was _exciting_. He had always loved fashion. It had always been second nature to him and something that he didn’t think about, he just did it. Not to toot his own horn, but he was good at it too.

Suddenly, he didn’t feel so apprehensive about it all. The choice was clear, the signs all there.

Maybe he hadn’t been accepted into NYADA, maybe he hadn’t found a music program that interested him, maybe this had all happened because that wasn’t the path he was meant to be on.

Maybe, this was the path he was meant to follow all along.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a lovely holiday! Enjoy the new chapter :)

Rachel

It had been such a long past few months.

The one class she decided to take over the summer turned out to be way more involved than she expected and she spent a lot of time at NYADA.

And in that time, a lot had happened around her.

For starters, Finn moved in.

The last time they talked, had been shortly after their breakup in Lima during McKinley’s production of _Grease_.

It hadn’t exactly been amicable.

It had been pretty radio silent up until the day Kurt blindsided her and told her Finn was coming to stay. Possibly for good.

Now it was quite an adjustment.

Getting used to Finn being around was difficult at first.

Despite that first night of awkward tension broken up by alcohol, things had remained kind of awkward.

He was around the loft a lot, especially when she got home from a rehearsal. Granted, it was mostly for Kurt’s benefit and she was really happy the two brothers were bonding.

She felt extremely guilty when she heard that Kurt had been accepted into FIT. She had been so focused on herself that she didn’t even see how much her best friend had been struggling with his identity for the past year.

He’d been working at the diner with Santana so even she knew of his struggles.

She sipped her tea and stared out the window. Once again, Rachel Berry was completely unaware of everything else that didn’t revolve around her.

She’d felt her and Kurt drifting apart a little, and she chalked it all up to Kurt being jealous or upset that she was at NYADA and he wasn’t.

She hoped that wasn’t why he was clinging to this idea of going into fashion.

Kurt had always loved fashion, that was no secret. But up until recently, when Finn arrived in New York, he’d never talked about pursuing it as a career.

And her best friend deserved better than that. He deserved better than settling for any less than his greatest of dreams.

The thoughts had been swimming around in her head for a few days now, but she hadn’t plucked up the courage to approach him about it.

Until this morning, when he mentioned over the breakfast table that he’d given it a lot of thought and that he was going to accept FIT’s offer of enrollment.

That’s when she realized she had to say something. Had to make sure he wasn’t giving up his dreams of Broadway just because there had been a few major setbacks.

She’d never forgive herself if she let her best friend give up stardom. Even if she hadn’t exactly been a great friend to him lately.

She burned with more guilt at the thought. 

Now that she’d finished her summer classes, she had a month and a half of rest until fall semester started.

Which meant that little bubble of hers had popped and everyone else’s lives had come into clear view.

Finn too, had been struggling and instead of being a supportive ex-girlfriend turned friend, she’d assumed he didn’t need her help.

It had been a problem she’d always had and one that was hard to break. Growing up she’d often been alone and without friends so she developed so many selfish habits.

She turned her head when the door to the loft unlocked and slid open.

“Oh. Hi.” Finn’s deep voice startled her. She’d been expecting Kurt or Santana. They were due for dinner in the next hour. Santana said she and Kurt would bring home a pizza on their way back.

Her stomach in knots, she smiled at him. “Hi Finn.”

“Sorry.” He apologized, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Kurt invited me over for pizza and I assumed they’d be back home by now.” He slid the door shut and they were enveloped in an awkward silence for a moment while he moved to the kitchen island and sat in one of the chairs.

“It’s fine.” She answered, playing with the rim of her cup and avoiding eye contact with him.

He cleared his throat. “So. How was your final? Heard from San it was a few days ago.”

Rachel was thankful he’d spoken first and brought up a safe topic.

“Yeah, it was Advanced Music Theory. Passed it with flying colors.” She smiled, a genuine one this time.

His lips raised in that half smile she used to be so fond of. “I’m proud of you, you know. I knew you could do it. I always believed in you, Rach.”

The sudden tears that sprang up in her eyes were expected but still most unwelcome.

“Hey, you know, I’ve been thinking we need to talk. I’ve been here for almost a month and we’ve barely spoken. I can’t do this anymore. It’s making things awkward for Kurt and Santana too. Even if they won’t say so.”

Rachel nodded in agreement. “You’re right. It’s been a long time coming.”

“Mind if I talk first?” He asked politely, resting his hands on the counter in front of him.

She nodded again with her consent, forcing herself to look up at him.

“Okay. I said if before and I’ll say it again.” He continued, “I regret the way I handled it all, but I’ll never regret the fact that because of it, you’ve been living the life you always dreamed of.”

The bitterness from that awful day still swirled in her head once in a while when she thought about him.

The irrational, emotional part of her that hated him for the way he tore them apart. She loved him so fucking much and he essentially ripped that to shreds.

But the rational part of her knew why he did, was grateful to him for it even. She knows, without a doubt in her mind, that if she’d stayed in Lima for him, she would have resented him one day.

That too, would have torn them to shreds. It was a lose-lose situation, really. And he made the harder choice, the one that saved Rachel’s future in the end.

“I know.” She finally said. “For so long I hated you for making that decision and breaking my heart. I hated you for abandoning us months later too. But I get it. I really do. I wouldn’t be here without you. I’ll always be grateful that you had the guts to do what I never could.”

“I still love you.” He said abruptly, his forwardness startling her a little even if it came as no surprise. “Pretty sure I always will. Hope that’s okay.”

He said it with the kindest smile that made her heart ache.

She swiped her hand under her nose. Feeling the sadness in her gut right along with the hope that one day they could be as close as they once were. With or without the romance part of it.

“Of course it’s okay. I still love you too. Always will.” She agreed.

His grin widened. “Friends?” He stuck out his hand for her to shake.

“Friends.” She laughed through her tears and shook his hand.

And just like that it was like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. That was one relationship on the way to repair. Now she just had to work on the other two most important ones right now.

“You want some champagne?” He asked jovially.

Rachel wiped her nose. “You know Kurt will murder you in your sleep if you break into his collection.”

“Eh.” He shrugged. “It’s a special occasion. Kurt and I have both been accepted into colleges. You finished with finals. Things are finally looking up for all of us.” He beamed.

She didn’t mentioned the fact that most her relationships were crumbling around her. He was too happy and didn’t want to ruin that.

She just thanked him as he poured her a glass.

They eventually moved to the couch, where they sat there and watched some trashy reality TV that had Finn rolling his eyes.

When Kurt and Santana got home an hour later, pizza in hand, they were greeted by a familiar but odd sight.

Rachel and Finn laughing and joking on the couch, drinking wine together.

“Oh no. Am I gonna have to buy some earplugs now? Wait. Am I getting my bed back?!” Santana asked, excited at the prospect.

Rachel giggled. “Hate to rain on your parade, Santana, but no. Finn and I aren’t getting back together. We’ve decided to try our hand at friendship.”

“Right.” Santana snorted.

“No, really!” Finn assured her. “We talked a little, cleared the air a bit and now we’re okay. Right, Rach?”

“Right.” She confirmed, clinking their glasses together.

“Did you open up my Dom Perignon Rose Gold Champagne?!” Kurt practically screeched.

He’d put the boxes of pizza on the counter and spotted the open bottle on next to the coffee maker.

“Uh, guilty as charged?” Finn winced when Kurt turned a murderous eye on him.

“Finn!” Kurt whined, stomping his foot in frustration. “I was saving that for a special occasion!”

“And it is! We’re all here, together. We all either have secure jobs are going to school. _We_ just got accepted into school. It’s a perfect time to celebrate. Live a little, Kurt. Not everything has to be planned perfectly.

Kurt put his fingers to his temples and rubbed. “Fine. But this is the only time I’m giving you a free pass to get away with going through my collection.”

“Hummel, you have like four bottles and all of them are that fancy, sweet shit. You have absolutely no hard liquor. What a disgrace.” Santana’s muffled voice was heard from what she was going through his cupboard.

“Get out of there, Santana!”

Rachel giggled as Santana rolled her eyes and stood back up.

Finn, meanwhile, had grabbed two more glasses and was pouring them all some of the champagne.

He handed each of them a glass and raised his. “A toast, to us all slowly but surely finding our way. And to you three for letting me steal a bed for a few months.”

“And to my brother finally joining us in New York and making the city that much better.” Kurt added, raising his glass too.

“Hear hear.” Santana quickly clinked her glass with the other three’s glasses and then chugged hers. 

Kurt and Rachel took much smaller sips and Finn downed the whole thing in one go.

In the next couple of hours, the downed the rest of the bottle and convinced Kurt to open one more.

By that time, Kurt (being an unimaginable lightweight) was already tipsy.

Finn had gotten a hankering for a meatball sandwich so he and Santana left to go on a search for a good meatball sandwich.

That left Kurt and Rachel alone.

The universe couldn’t have given her a better opportunity to approach Kurt with her concerns about his sudden change of heart.

She’d already tackled her problems with Finn and she was running on a high of champagne and the success from her earlier encounter with the ex-Quarterback.

“Hey, Kurt?” Rachel called.

He was in the bathroom, starting his nightly regimen of moisturizing and cleaning his face.

“Hey.” Kurt came out of the bathroom, rubbing moisturizer into his skin.

“Can we talk?” Rachel asked, wringing her hands.

Kurt quirked an eyebrow curiously. “Sure. What’s going on?”

Just do it. It’s for his own good.

“I want to talk to you about FIT.” She began, playing with the napkin under her fingers nervously.

The tension in the room was thick and it was clear to her that this was going to be a sensitive subject to breach.

“And? What about it?” He asked, a little defensively in her opinion.

His eyes were a little glazed over and he was still rubbing the moisturizer into his pores, but she forged on anyways.

Rachel cleared her throat. “I just want to be sure you really want this.”

There. She said it.

“What does the mean? You think I don’t know what I want? Does the mighty Rachel Berry believe the peasant can’t think for himself?” Kurt gave up on digging through his bag and looked at her like he was ready for a fight, hands on his hips.

Rachel huffed out a breath and looked up at his irritated face. “This has nothing to do with me, Kurt. I’m genuinely concerned about your decision-“

“Oh wow!” He mocked, face turning even more pink. “Doesn’t have to do with you? Doesn’t everything? What, you finally finished classes and realized you had friends you left behind in the process? You can pretend like this is about me. But if it really were, you would have brought it up sooner. When I was hopeless and didn’t know what to do with my life. As soon as I decide something, then you decide to have an opinion? Screw you, Rachel.”

She knew the words were coming, but they still hurt like a bitch. She’d been an awful friend and they both knew it. But his words were hurtful and that made her equally as defensive.

After all they’d been through he still didn’t realize how much she cared about him? Would he ever?

“I’m merely afraid you’re settling for this college because you didn’t get into NYADA.” She crossed her arms.

Kurt stopped. “There it is.” He sounded more hurt than anything else. “You know, I’ve thought a lot about my life lately. About what truly makes me happy. What makes me a better person. Seeing what NYADA has already done to you, I’m glad I didn’t get in. You’re more pretentious and snobby than you ever were in high school. I don’t want to become like you.”

Each one of his words was like a hard punch to the gut. And by the time he’d finished laying into her, she felt gutted.

Neither one noticed that the door was open and Finn and Santana were staring at them, open mouthed and sandwiches completely forgotten at their sides.

Unable to take the silence anymore, Kurt turned on his heel and hurried off towards the bathroom, slamming the only door in the loft.

Rachel wiped the tears away and pushed past Finn and Santana and out the door.

She slammed through the doors to the staircase and ran up until her legs were jelly. She realized she ended up on the roof and just plopped down on the concrete below her.

The wind whipped around her and it was refreshing in the otherwise warm summer night air.

She just kneeled there for a bit, calming her breathing and watching the city she loved so much. The city that never slept.

She could see bits of traffic peaking out form over the edge of the building and traffic out in the distance. It was pretty calming, actually.

The door behind her creaked open and she waited for whoever it was to start talking. She knew someone was going to follow her. She just didn’t think it was going to be so soon.

“You gonna tell me what the hell you did now?” Santana sighed, plopping down on her ass next to Rachel.

Rachel glared at her. “What makes you think it was me?”

“Because even though Hummel was screeching at decibels only dogs can hear, I still caught some of what he said. Something about you pestering him about going to FIT?”

Rachel snorted. “If you knew, why did you ask?”

Santana rolled her eyes, “I said I wanted _you_ to tell me.” She paused. “You know it’s his decision, right? And you should actually listen to the way he talks about it. He’s excited. You should be excited for him.”

Rachel scooted further away from Santana.

Of course she’d take Kurt’s side. “I know it’s his decision. I’m just worried he’s settling for something that’s easier instead of his dream. He deserves better.”

Santana was now splayed out across the concrete, her long legs stretched out in front of her. “Did he ever say that? Or are you making shit about because you yourself are scared?”

“What?” Rachel scrunched up her eyebrows.

“You heard me.” Santana bit off a hang nail and spit it somewhere on the ground. “You’re watching all your friends, ones who used to dream of the spotlight and fame, find other things to be passionate about. Music is all you’ve ever known and you’re afraid that if you fail, that’s it for you. So you’re pushing everyone else instead.”

Rachel sat there dumbfounded.

“So am I on the nose or what?”

Rachel sniffled and ran her hand under her nose. “Maybe.”

“Mmm. That’s what I thought. Look, Berry. If you ever tell anyone this I’ll absolutely deny it, but you were always the most talented. If anyone in that Glee club were to become famous, it would be you. Or Mercedes. We all love music and it will always be part of our lives. But that doesn’t mean it has to be our life like yours is. Kurt just figuring that out. He’s really excited about it and he needs his best friend. You should apologize.”

Rachel listed to her, for once not feeling insulted by Santana’s words. The other woman had a way of making you see the truth, but she did so with loving insults.

There were none of those this time though and Rachel wondered how much Santana herself was struggling.

Santana pushed herself off the ground and stood up, dusting her hands off. “We have some vegan-bullshit sandwich downstairs for you if you want it. But seriously, you should apologize to Kurt in the morning, yeah?”

Rachel nodded resolutely and smiled up at Santana. “I will. And Santana? Thanks.”

“Yeah yeah.” Santana waved her off, disappearing back through the door.

Rachel just kneeled there for another moment, taking it all in.

She thought about what Santana said, about her not having anything else she was passionate about.

It hurt, but she was right. Rachel had been in New York City, one of the most magical cities in the world, for over a year. And she’d done almost nothing.

School. Rehearsal. Home.

That was about it. Occasionally she’d go out with Kurt or Santana for a meal, but she wasn’t involved.

Once again, Rachel Berry’s laser focus was preventing her from truly living her life.

She vowed to put more work into life. Especially in her relationships. She’d lost sight of how important they were to her while she was following her dreams.

After all, what were dreams without the people she loved by her side?


End file.
